[661_Pete]

I approach this matter with some trepidation - I know how easily I can put a foot wrong!

I'm not talking about BBO of course - if I have trouble with someone here I can just 'blacklist' them and be done with it - although I've only resorted to that very rarely.

No, I'm talking about live bridge in a friendly local group, fairly informal, where everyone gets on fine with everyone else.

Everyone except one individual, that is.

I've had, time and again, occasions of her criticising my bidding, my play, even my manner of shuffling the cards came under scrutiny once.

Best thing to do is shrug, put up with it, and wait for another partner, I suppose....

Last week, she took me to one side at the beginning of the session, and whispered to me "you need to be careful Peter, you've been upsetting the other players." Me???!!! I'm quite sure the accusation is utterly scurrilous. This is surely OTT! As it was, after this I found it hard to keep my composure during the play, but keep my composure I did, as things turned out the session went fairly well.

But on the way out of the venue I could contain myself no longer. Falling in with three or four of the others as we walked along the street, I blurted out "my day could have been better". I then explained what had happened, without naming the individual concerned. No need. One of my fellow-players, with a twinkle in his eye, remarked "Aha! So ***** [naming the person] has been having one of her 'days', then?" It transpires that several members of the club have had problems with her, at least one refuses to play with her.

So I'm not the only one.

Ever since, I've been feeling "something must be done". But what? As I said, this is a friendly club - part of our local U3A. I retreat with horror from the thought of stirring things up!

[hrothgar]

Next time the individual approaches you, spill your coffee on her.

Repeat as necessary until she stops talking to you.

[Vampyr]

Why are you playing with this person?

[661_Pete]

Vampyr, on 2017-September-24, 15:13, said:

Why are you playing with this person?

The way our Chicago-scored sessions are organised, I don't always get the choice who I partner.

Whenever a table completes its four hands, the losing pair swap with the losing pair at the next table to complete its four hands. Also splitting up so that each partnership become opponents for the next four hands. It's automatic. I could refuse to sit opposite her, but that might make a scene.

At our fortnightly pairs duplicate, on the other hand, I can (and do) choose my partner. So my main concern is to avoid this player as an opponent.

[Vampyr]

Well, perhaps if people refuse to respond to her comments, or distractedly say something like "thank you" or "how kind of you to notice" and then immediately change the subject, she will lose interest in making negative comments. It is no fun if people don't react.

[The_Badger]

My advice. Grow a pair. Take her to one side and tell her directly what you think, and what the other players think of her obnoxious behaviour.

She's just a bully and has probably been like it all her life and she's one of those people who hasn't got anything better to do than moan or be miserable or create misery for others. Probably sits behind her living room curtains, twitching at any minor indiscretion (in her blinked eyes) any human makes.

Until you get it off your chest it will continue gnawing at you. Inaction is not an option. Ahhh....don't you feel a lot better now.

Other than that I suggest you invest in a roll of black gaffer tape, and tape her mouth in the same way that Tape Face does. At least you can do that these days since bidding boxes were invented

[661_Pete]

Actually, I'm sorely tempted, if I get her as partner, to 'psyche'. It may not be very ethical, but it would certainly discompose her (especially if I made sure she ended up having to play the silly contract). And, more to the point, it would amuse the oppos....

[Vampyr]

661_Pete, on 2017-September-25, 01:49, said:

Actually, I'm sorely tempted, if I get her as partner, to 'psyche'. It may not be very ethical, but it would certainly discompose her (especially if I made sure she ended up having to play the silly contract). And, more to the point, it would amuse the oppos....

It is not unethical to psyche, but you have to be careful because a psyche can be successful too.

[The_Badger]

Vampyr, on 2017-September-25, 02:07, said:

It is not unethical to psyche, but you have to be careful because a psyche can be successful too.

Agreed. Even better idea. Open 2♣ with your next three count, watch her eyes light up. Bid up to game, she hopefully will bid Blackwood, and then arrive in a silly contract. Go five down doubled. And then say without a trace of emotion on your face, "Sorry. I pulled out the wrong card out of the bidding box, partner. 2♣ is forcing to game, so I had to bid game after that, and answer your Blackwood call honestly as it is a forcing bid, you might have had a good hand yourself."

[bilalz]

Take a knee!

[PhilG007]

661_Pete, on 2017-September-24, 10:15, said:

I approach this matter with some trepidation - I know how easily I can put a foot wrong!

I'm not talking about BBO of course - if I have trouble with someone here I can just 'blacklist' them and be done with it - although I've only resorted to that very rarely.

No, I'm talking about live bridge in a friendly local group, fairly informal, where everyone gets on fine with everyone else.

Everyone except one individual, that is.

I've had, time and again, occasions of her criticising my bidding, my play, even my manner of shuffling the cards came under scrutiny once.

Best thing to do is shrug, put up with it, and wait for another partner, I suppose....

Last week, she took me to one side at the beginning of the session, and whispered to me "you need to be careful Peter, you've been upsetting the other players." Me???!!! I'm quite sure the accusation is utterly scurrilous. This is surely OTT! As it was, after this I found it hard to keep my composure during the play, but keep my composure I did, as things turned out the session went fairly well.

But on the way out of the venue I could contain myself no longer. Falling in with three or four of the others as we walked along the street, I blurted out "my day could have been better". I then explained what had happened, without naming the individual concerned. No need. One of my fellow-players, with a twinkle in his eye, remarked "Aha! So ***** [naming the person] has been having one of her 'days', then?" It transpires that several members of the club have had problems with her, at least one refuses to play with her.

So I'm not the only one.

Ever since, I've been feeling "something must be done". But what? As I said, this is a friendly club - part of our local U3A. I retreat with horror from the thought of stirring things up!

Pete,next time this individual starts criticising you just quietly reply " I didn't ask for your opinion partner,it's unwanted and unneeded" or even "Partner I don't need you to bid my hand,I can do it myself." If all this has no effect you can always complain to the TD or in writing to the card committee of your club.
What you shouldn't do is suffer in silence.You don't have to tolerate this and you shouldn't. Sometimes you have to be assertive! From what you say this person is becoming a pest. A friendly warning from a club official should put a stop to her shenanigans when she realises she is facing possible expulsion from the club. I would like to see her paired with a top expert and suffer a touch of the Ghenkhis Khans across the table(!)

[shintaro]

661_Pete, on 2017-September-24, 10:15, said:

I approach this matter with some trepidation - I know how easily I can put a foot wrong!

I'm not talking about BBO of course - if I have trouble with someone here I can just 'blacklist' them and be done with it - although I've only resorted to that very rarely.

No, I'm talking about live bridge in a friendly local group, fairly informal, where everyone gets on fine with everyone else.

Everyone except one individual, that is.

I've had, time and again, occasions of her criticising my bidding, my play, even my manner of shuffling the cards came under scrutiny once.

Best thing to do is shrug, put up with it, and wait for another partner, I suppose....

Last week, she took me to one side at the beginning of the session, and whispered to me "you need to be careful Peter, you've been upsetting the other players." Me???!!! I'm quite sure the accusation is utterly scurrilous. This is surely OTT! As it was, after this I found it hard to keep my composure during the play, but keep my composure I did, as things turned out the session went fairly well.

But on the way out of the venue I could contain myself no longer. Falling in with three or four of the others as we walked along the street, I blurted out "my day could have been better". I then explained what had happened, without naming the individual concerned. No need. One of my fellow-players, with a twinkle in his eye, remarked "Aha! So ***** [naming the person] has been having one of her 'days', then?" It transpires that several members of the club have had problems with her, at least one refuses to play with her.

So I'm not the only one.

Ever since, I've been feeling "something must be done". But what? As I said, this is a friendly club - part of our local U3A. I retreat with horror from the thought of stirring things up!

In England there is an obvious answer!

Send her to Coventry. though what my friends at Coventry Bridge Club will think I can only think

[jonpere]

May I suggest you pick your moment. Keep it professional, polite brief and clear. Tell her you are only willing to play without any criticism of your bidding or play. If you are at the table, just get on with the game. If not, gently move away and give her space to let your statement sink in. It's a difficult one Pete; plain speaking sometimes hits home - maybe she has no idea how she comes across.. My best wishes.

[fourdad]

PhilG007, on 2017-September-25, 08:20, said:

Pete,next time this individual starts criticising you just quietly reply " I didn't ask for your opinion partner,it's unwanted and unneeded" or even "Partner I don't need you to bid my hand,I can do it myself." If all this has no effect you can always complain to the TD or in writing to the card committee of your club.
What you shouldn't do is suffer in silence.You don't have to tolerate this and you shouldn't. Sometimes you have to be assertive! From what you say this person is becoming a pest. A friendly warning from a club official should put a stop to her shenanigans when she realises she is facing possible expulsion from the club. I would like to see her paired with a top expert and suffer a touch of the Ghenkhis Khans across the table(!)

OR..."Excuse me, if I valued your opinion I would pay you for lessons. Since I have not I would appreciate your not giving me any."

[betsil]

Do you not have a zero tolerance policy at your club? Report the behavior to the director or board.

[SelfGovern]

Those "aside" comments are often perfectly disarmed by making them public.

She says, "You have to be careful, a lot of people are starting to not like you."

You say, to the room, "Excuse me, everyone. Dear Martha has told me that many of you are starting to not like me. I do hope that those of you who have a problem with me will come to me and discuss it. I'm really quite reasonable -- except when dealing with gossip, and gossip-mongers. Thank you so much, Martha, for bringing this to my attention."

I'm sure *she* won't care for it much. Others? I bet they'll be rooting for you.

[msjennifer]

I like the strategy suggested by Vampyr.Just say* thank
you madam,so nice of you to give me these tips.Hearing this again and again perhaps she may get the message.Else just laugh it off.

[angervea]

There are several kinds of people in the world and some of them are not the friendly kind to say the least.
Talk in private to this partner and tell him/her what's bothering you and if that doesn't help show the problem to the TD. One of the advices I like very much: open 2♣with almost nothing. Your comment after the play: I combined all the lessons you gave in the past.

[661_Pete]

The_Badger, on 2017-September-25, 02:18, said:

Agreed. Even better idea. Open 2♣ with your next three count, watch her eyes light up. Bid up to game, she hopefully will bid Blackwood, and then arrive in a silly contract. Go five down doubled. And then say without a trace of emotion on your face, "Sorry. I pulled out the wrong card out of the bidding box, partner. 2♣ is forcing to game, so I had to bid game after that, and answer your Blackwood call honestly as it is a forcing bid, you might have had a good hand yourself."

I like that one! But it probably wouldn't work for me. Yes, we use the bog-standard bidding-boxes with two slots, one to hold all the 'bid' cards and one to hold all the others (PASS, X, XX, ALERT and STOP). I'm not likely to convince partner that I 'accidentally' pulled out "2♣" instead of "PASS". Also, it's a house rule that one must show the STOP card* before any jump bid - including openers at the 2 or more level. So I'd be pulled up immediately if I pulled out 2♣ without flashing the STOP first - and would have to correct my 'mistake'....

I'll think of something. Thanks everyone for the support. Like many people, I guess, I put up with this sort of thing for a while, but in the end something tips me over the edge. Not a pleasant feeling - but I'll be back!

*I haven't a clue why....

[PhilG007]

The legendary Rixi Markus once related her female partner went down in a 3NT contract that was
stiff. Rixi remained silent,trying to be polite. But when her partner attacked her with "Why did you
raise me to 3NT(?!)" Rixi simply replied "Because you could have made it(!) " In bridge as in life,you
have to learn to defend yourself!