[mr1303]

A friend of mine has a moral dilemma that he told me about. We'll call him Dave (name changed to protect the guilty). I didn't know what advice to give him, so I thought I'd throw it open to the enlightened forum readers.

Dave's story goes something like this:

I've been seeing my current girlfriend Louise (again name changed to protect the guilty) for the last 5 years, give or take. We've been living together for the last 3, and earlier this year we bought a house together. I would have said that we are very happy together. However, last weekend I met up with an old female friend (called Jane) of mine for lunch. It turns out she's been a bit down on her luck of late. Anyway, lunch goes very well, and lunch carries on into the evening and we have a bottle of wine or two. Jane ends up pouring her heart out to me, so I consoled her with a hug, and eventually we ended up kissing. Nothing more than that happened. The trouble is, I've been thinking about her all week and would really like to see her again. I really feel that Jane needs me at the moment. I sent her a bunch of flowers to try and cheer her up (although they haven't arrived yet, so I haven't had a reaction from that).

So, any suggestions?

[kenrexford]

Save money for a retainer.

Also, get those new tires that do not need air in them.

[luke warm]

well they *did* buy a house together... i think that's the most important thing

[Al_U_Card]

He has a number of options:

Immediately cease and desist and hope that his life goes back to normal, never mentioning any of this to anyone and keeping that "fond" memory for himself.

Confess his transgression to Louise and ask her forgiveness stating that he realized how much he loves her and will henceforth keep his dick in his pants.

Speak to Jane about their potential future. Should they hit it off, he then goes to Louise, mans up and ends their relationship as cordially as possible. (Leaving her with the house, to do with as she sees fit is the proper thing to do.)

Continue to be a cad and cheat on Louise and see how things go. (Whether with Jane or some other object of desire.) When it comes out and they split up, fight for his half of the house etc.

[TimG]

Why is it that Dave wants to see Jane again? I think if he thought about it, he would realize that it's not Jane that is the attraction, but Jane's needing and the opportunity to take care of, or help, someone through a hard time. You don't fall for someone when you are listening to their down in the dumps story, you fall for being needed.

[kenberg]

TimG, on Nov 8 2008, 09:27 AM, said:

Why is it that Dave wants to see Jane again? I think if he thought about it, he would realize that it's not Jane that is the attraction, but Jane's needing and the opportunity to take care of, or help, someone through a hard time. You don't fall for someone when you are listening to their down in the dumps story, you fall for being needed.

These are the most sensible few sentences I have seen for some time. If I may add a small point, it is not really a moral dilemma so much as a use the good sense you were given situation. I've done enough dumb things in my life to now recognize trouble when I see it.

[Hanoi5]

Evidently 'Dave' should stick up to 'Louise' and totally forget about 'Jane'. This is the kind of problem people already know the aswer about, yet they ask other people in order to get 'support' for their bad behaviour.

Tell 'Dave' to think about what he would like 'Louise' to do in such a situation. Maybe it is 'Louise' who should be given advice; tell her dump 'Dave'.

[pclayton]

These 'dilemmas' can be seen through a very clear lens if you ask one question"

Dave should clearly ask Louise's input. If she has a problem with it, Dave has a decision to make and it will clearly have an impact on his relationship.

I'll call the "date' an indiscretion, but it is a betrayal. If Louise had a little minor tryst with an old flame, would he think any different?

If this continues without Louise's knowledge, it is sleazy and Louise should find out the hard way.

By the way, do people still name their children "Louise" these days?

[jonottawa]

The first rule of cheating on your significant other is to be discreet. That means telling noone. That means living with the guilt. That means not spouting off to your friends about your 'dilemma.'

Your friend has demonstrated that he is incapable of that. Therefore he should knock it off.

[pclayton]

jonottawa, on Nov 8 2008, 09:26 AM, said:

The first rule of cheating on your significant other is to be discreet. That means telling noone. That means living with the guilt. That means not spouting off to your friends about your 'dilemma.'

Your friend has demonstrated that he is incapable of that. Therefore he should knock it off.

Right. So everything is Jake if she doesn't find out?

[babalu1997]

jonottawa, on Nov 8 2008, 12:26 PM, said:

The first rule of cheating on your significant other is to be discreet. That means telling noone. That means living with the guilt. That means not spouting off to your friends about your 'dilemma.'

Your friend has demonstrated that he is incapable of that. Therefore he should knock it off.

I vote for jonottawa as successor to Dr. Phil.

He is younger, thinner, better looking. and he can spot a delilah when she comes around.

Now, in return, I would like an answer to my own dilemma.

I have a guest who keeps using my sponge-bob little soaps in the bathroom. they are there for decoration, how can i gently tell him to stop doing it and use ivory soap instead?

[matmat]

babalu1997, on Nov 8 2008, 12:49 PM, said:

jonottawa, on Nov 8 2008, 12:26 PM, said:

The first rule of cheating on your significant other is to be discreet.  That means telling noone.  That means living with the guilt.  That means not spouting off to your friends about your 'dilemma.'

Your friend has demonstrated that he is incapable of that.  Therefore he should knock it off.

I vote for jonottawa as successor to Dr. Phil.

He is younger, thinner, better looking. and he can spot a delilah when she comes around.

Now, in return, I would like an answer to my own dilemma.

I have a guest who keeps using my sponge-bob little soaps in the bathroom. they are there for decoration, how can i gently tell him to stop doing it and use ivory soap instead?

coat them in fiberglass filings.

[jdonn]

Dave and Louise should get married and have lots of children, so that they can raise them in a good stable household with good morals and give the sacred institution of marriage a good name. That way they have standing to speak out against two women who DON'T cheat on each other getting married, completely ruining the notion of marriage and raising their kid in an unsafe despicable household.

[helene_t]

Jon is right. Dave has to tell Louise about this. They will get over it.

[Al_U_Card]

TimG, on Nov 8 2008, 09:27 AM, said:

Why is it that Dave wants to see Jane again? I think if he thought about it, he would realize that it's not Jane that is the attraction, but Jane's needing and the opportunity to take care of, or help, someone through a hard time. You don't fall for someone when you are listening to their down in the dumps story, you fall for being needed.

After 5 years, Dave is just bored with Louise and the opportunity for excitement (he may or may not have gone looking for it because most men in a relationship get pretty lazy pretty quick) and new conquest is appealing to his inner man.

He is at a crossroads. Is he into his current relationship and this is a test or is he ready to jump ship and sail away to foreign ports of call?

Life, in a nutshell.

[bid_em_up]

matmat, on Nov 8 2008, 04:26 PM, said:

babalu1997, on Nov 8 2008, 12:49 PM, said:

Now, in return, I would like an answer to my own dilemma.

I have a guest who keeps using my sponge-bob little soaps in the bathroom.  they are there for decoration, how can i gently tell him to stop doing it and use ivory soap instead?

coat them in fiberglass filings.

I had an answer, but I think I like Matmats better.