[slothy]

I don't know how many of us are familiar with the book The Meaning Of Liff by Douglas Adams (and some other bloke with an unforgettable name).

Ebook (for inspiration )

or Devil's dictionary as adam mentioned below

In the book (t)he(y) either invents words, or takes existing words, and assigns alternative (and in most cases hilarious and or ludicrous, at least to me) meanings to them. So for example the 2 words, JARROW and KURDISTAN (taken at random)

JARROW (adj.)
An agricultural device which, when towed behind a tractor, enables the farmer to spread his dung evenly across the width of the road.

KURDISTAN (n.)
Hard stare given by a husband to his wife when he notices a sharp increase in the number of times he answers the phone to be told, 'Sorry, wrong number.'

So what i propose is to take the concept of this book and specifically apply a bridge or BBO theme either to bridge terms, BBO personalities or BBO itself

I guess i should start. I am hoping some of you come up with some real beauties It just requires a bit of imagination and perverted sense of humour

Alex

[slothy]

Dandyruff (n.)

Inexplicable white spots that appear on the beige after your Q of clubs is ruffed by a male opponent with a liberal trowelling of lip-gloss and a pattern on his colourful shirt reminiscent of your grandmother's apron.

[slothy]

Irrevocability (n.)

The feeling of despair one feels when one has revoked in every suit on the first 4 tricks.

[slothy]

Vienna Coup (v.)

The clandestine changing of ones flag to Austria when you hear in lobby-chat that the daughter of the director for the upcoming tourney you want to play in was left at the altar by a man from your own country.

[slothy]

Yellow-Belly (n.)

Those extra 9 centimetres that appear on dkgrab's waistline after his wife has left him Home Alone to fend for himself after she visits her friends in New Mexico for 3 weeks

[slothy]

Garbage Stayman (v.)

Where you want to throw your system when you end up playing in a 4-2 fit .

[mtvesuvius]

Relay (v.)

A method of asking partner how badly he originally misdescribed his hand

[mtvesuvius]

Signalling (v.)

An excuse for not cashing your Ace and King against 6NT

[mtvesuvius]

Matchpoints (n.)

A way of measuring how badly your partner did

[slothy]

Weedo (v.)

Example : 'Yesterday, i weedoed after the meeting with Mr Smith'

The BBO nik you click on to watch the JEC team match when have 30 mins to kill waiting for your document to print after you look at the print-spool and find your colleague is printing out every email her lover, who went back to his wife the previous morning, had sent her since 2002.

[mtvesuvius]

Alex, I don't know if you have ever heard of the Devil's Dictionary, but it is also the same type of thing, and is extremely amusing.

[mtvesuvius]

Weak Two (n.)

A polite term referring to the husband and wife who have played at the local club for 25 years, and still play in C.

[slothy]

Reverse Smith (n.)

Giving yourself the nickname Htims on BBO and making a bet with 15 of your friends on BBO , all of whom collectively believe that no one else has a similar wacky sense of humour and ability to 'think outside the box' as you all do, that no one else will fathom the profound and intense cleverness intrinsic in the nik.

[slothy]

Weak Three (n.)

See Weak 2 above

A polite term referring to the husband and wife who have played at the local club for 15 years, and still play in C, just after they start attending prenatal classes.

[slothy]

Mt (prefix)

The initial 2 letters of all of Adam's niks.

After he has used 3,794 niks and has exhausted all places on Earth higher than 4000m will have to consult an encyclopaedia of Lunar Topology

[mtvesuvius]

Wife (n.)

Someone who you should avoid sitting across the table from at all costs.

[BHNN]

slothy, on Jun 12 2009, 10:22 AM, said:

Garbage Stayman (v.)

Where you want to throw your system when you end up playing in a 4-2 fit .

Q? what kind of garbage ?
we need to recycle? paper or glass?

[mtvesuvius]

Invitational Bid (adj.)

A method of removing the blame from yourself and instead placing it on your partner.

[slothy]

Husband (n.)

Definition 1. Noun that suddenly becomes prefixed with ex when a wife talks about the man she started to learn to play bridge with at the local library.

Definition 2. A male you should always play with - as long as he is someone else's.

[slothy]

Grand Slam (n.)

The noise the front door of the bridge club makes when you pass your partners 7C bid.

After you pick his cards off the floor as they fluttered there after the backdraft from his dramatic exit you realise his stiff A of clubs was a probe for 7NT or 7S.