[mr1303]

How do you go about telling a bridge divorce from a partner whom you play the majority of your serious bridge with when said partner is also a friend away from the bridge table.

I've been told by someone in selection authority that my current partner is holding me back for selection from high level events.

[Bbradley62]

Get invited by a higher-level player to play in an upcoming event. Then tell your friend/partner that you got this invitation and couldn't pass up the opportunity.

[mikeh]

mr1303, on 2012-October-22, 09:22, said:

How do you go about telling a bridge divorce from a partner whom you play the majority of your serious bridge with when said partner is also a friend away from the bridge table.

I've been told by someone in selection authority that my current partner is holding me back for selection from high level events.

There is no easy way and don't be surprised if your friendship, away from the table, takes a real hit, from which it may or may not fully recover.

My suggestion is that you say that you have decided that it is time to make a change...that you feel that the partnership has got about as far as it can and you'd like to try something new.

In an ideal world, you would already have lined up a new partner and you can say that 'I've got a chance to play with so-and-so, and I really want to see how that works out'

[aguahombre]

It might make a difference whether your current partner is a reader of BBF fora.

[CSGibson]

Choice 1: Ask that question in a public forum. Wait for a mutual friend to e-mail your partner and point out the public forum. Let your partner break it off.

Choice 2: Explain the situation to your partner, he is a friend, he will understand. In specific, use the same language as you did here; partner is a friend, you were approached by an official who let you know that you would be in consideration for selection if you played with someone else, and you want to be selected.

[Phil]

Chris and Aqua - +1

Look, as you surmise, there's no easy way to do this. I would start some discussions with other potential partners in advance.

If he's your friend, just act like most people that are friends and lie about the reasons .

[Cyberyeti]

mr1303, on 2012-October-22, 09:22, said:

How do you go about telling a bridge divorce from a partner whom you play the majority of your serious bridge with when said partner is also a friend away from the bridge table.

I've been told by someone in selection authority that my current partner is holding me back for selection from high level events.

I had exactly this situation some years ago.

First question: be honest, is he significantly worse than you, or do you think the selectors are wrong ?

I thought the selectors were wrong, so stuck playing with the friend. He moved away some time later and the situation resolved itself.

Second question: if you have to choose, which is more important, the friendship or the bridge ?

Decide this first, don't assume you'll be able to keep both.

Third question: Is there somebody else the selectors have in mind for you to play with that is looking for a partner ?

The last thing you want to do is to go through the divorce, and find you don't have a partner. If there is, get them to ask you for a game, or get the selector to sound them out and just pick you as a pair for something (This happened to me in the Tolly).

[MickyB]

Have you and your partner been specifically aiming at selection together?
Would you want to play nearly all of your bridge with the hypothetical stronger partner?

If the answer to both of these questions is "no", then there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to pursue your goals without ending your existing partnership. Even if the answer to one of them is "yes" your partnership might still survive. Assuming there aren't other issues within your partnership, this would probably be best - you might decide in six months time that there are more important things than getting selected.

[gnasher]

Just tell him, and tell him why. If he's a friend, he'll understand, though he might not understand why he read about it on the Internet first.

Quote

I've been told by someone in selection authority ...

That sounds like something that would be a private conversation. If you want people to go on having private conversations with you, keep them private.

[Fluffy]

lucky for you bridge partnerships are not under anti-polygamy laws, you don't have to break a partnership before you start another.

[aguahombre]

Fluffy, on 2012-October-22, 11:59, said:

lucky for you bridge partnerships are not under anti-polygamy laws, you don't have to break a partnership before you start another.

Not a problem. I live in Utah.

[fromageGB]

It happened to me years ago. I ignored it, have a very good friend, and if I haven't been selected for higher things then I have compensation. Friendship means more - but I guess it depends on how close you are and what you do together other than bridge.