I'll explain the bidding before handing it over to you for the play. The title is in jest - there's several misbids on this auction. I am playing Dutch Doubleton in a new partnership, but we haven't set up our system agreements in full detail yet so we're flying by the seats of our pants while also writing a system book that we can agree on. We're currently at only 50 pages, but likely this will double in the next two weeks.
As South I was cheerfully imagining how I might show this huge hand when to my surprise partner opened and RHO, after asking about my alert, passed. The next round I got an even bigger surprise when partner revealed shortage in my short suit and a massive fit.
1♣ was Dutch Doubleton, showing 2+ clubs and containing balanced hands up to 4 diamonds (our 1♦ opening is 5+ or 4=4=4=1 or 1=4=4=4). Our NT range is 14-16, in case that matters.
1♥ is Dutch Doubleton as well, showing 4+ hearts and approximately 8+ hcp, and may contain a longer diamond suit in a weak hand.
3♠ is a spade splinter for hearts. Since the 1♥ promises values we can bid this a little bit lighter than most systems, as long as it's a good description of the hand. On this hand we discussed whether 3♥ would be more appropriate (showing 14-16 with 5(+)♣, 4♥ or 4=4=1=4), and we both agreed that it would have been a better description of the hand due to two factors: 1) The singleton spade is the ace; 2) The large upgrade needed to get to the splinter.
4♣ is a club control. I prefer to have the agreement that showing a control in partner's known long suit (and the clubs are real, by now) shows the ace or the king, and never a singleton or a void. This helps resolve exactly the confusion partner might have now - if I have the king the clubs are precious, if I have a singleton or a void they are much less valuable. However, we did not have this agreement (yet). Besides, at this point I was going to take charge anyway, with all suits controlled and plenty of playing strength. Do keep in mind that 4NT here would have been undiscussed - I don't play jump bids as ace-asking. We have not discussed Nonserious 3NT yet.
4♥ is a signoff. We had not discussed Last Train, but even if it did apply partner's hand is at the very bottom end of the bucket shown by the splinter.
4NT is RKC 1430.
5♥ shows two key cards, which surprised me a little as it revealed the singleton ♠A. Over this I normally have the agreement that 6♦ asks for a third round control in diamonds, so the ♦Q or a doubleton. This avoids the poor grand in case partner has ♠A, ♥Jxxx, ♦xxx, ♣AKJxx where even ruffing out the clubs isn't enough and I see nothing better than a finesse - though this also shouldn't be a 3♠ bid. However, again, we did not discuss this and I wasn't about to introduce this nuance in a live auction.
So it seems like partner must have something - either better clubs, or the ♦Q, as there's no room for anything better in spades or hearts - for the 3♠ bid. Time for 7♥.
With my explanations, can you tolerate the auction?
West leads the ♥2. I took around 5 minutes before playing to trick one - can you figure out what the problems are, and the options are, and the winning line(s)?